Have you ever had a problem getting motivated to complete a task that you absolutely had to do? Did you ever just want to throw in the towel and accept that you failed? If so, understand that there are things you can do to be more motivated and to achieve your goals.

What motivates you?

There are two types of motivation that exist: extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is motivation that is inspired by outside forces, while intrinsic motivation is motivation that is inspired from within a person. Both types of motivation are essential to success. Below you will find different types of extrinsic and intrinsic motivational factors:

Extrinsic Motivation.

-Money
-People around you
-Good grades
-Rewards

Intrinsic Motivation.

-Happiness
-Personal goals, values, and morals
-Willingness and eagerness to learn
-Physiological, social, and self-esteem needs

Both extrinsic and intrinsic motivations push a person to achieve a goal. However, they do so in different ways. Let us take a look at both of these types of motivations.

Extrinsic motivation:

As shown above, extrinsic motivation comes from rewards and incentives that are positive reinforcements. An example of extrinsic motivation is a student studying and getting an A on an exam because the reward of a ski trip motivated him. Completing a project for work ahead of schedule because an employee knows that raises are coming soon is an example of extrinsic motivation. A teenager may come home from a friend’s house right before curfew, just to avoid being grounded. All of these actions are done because the person is trying to avoid some type of punishment or disapproval.

An example of a possible problem with extrinsic motivation is that when the rewards stop, the motivation will come to an end. How do you keep, for example, an employee or child motivated? One solution is spacing out rewards so the person does not receive them all at once. This gives the person something to look forward to. Another thing to do is to make sure the reward cannot cause any negative impact after it. Another thing to do is to try to help the person find a reason to be motivated besides receiving a reward.

Intrinsic Motivation:

Intrinsic motivation comes from within a person. While this motivation is often strong, it is hard to maintain at times - especially when something bad is happening in a person’s life. Everyone wants to be happy, to achieve life goals, have high morals and values, have plenty of friends, and simply be able to survive in the world. Intrinsic motivation makes a person strive for these things in daily life. Intrinsic motivation will make a person take a look in the mirror and say, “I can do it.” This type of motivation will also make someone take a few minutes and reflect on what is important in his or her life. It will make them question why they are seeking out their goals and what they are willing to risk in order to attain them.

Author: Matthew Hick

NLP has taken the therapy world by storm and quite rightly so. It creates rapid lasting change and you don’t need a PHD to learn the simple skills. There are many, many trainers and training company’s pumping out Practitioner by the hundreds and it would be fair to say that there are varying degrees of competency amongst these. I certainly have been amongst those who have argued in the past that some training school are responsible for poor quality NLP training, thus sending out inexperienced practitioners into the world, free to practice in the therapeutic world of the venerable and insecure. The challenge with NLP in my opinion, is not finding somewhere to learn it, or someone to teach it, but, actually being good at it. For me, there are two factors that can influence the ability of each individual practitioner. 1) Charisma Even the most intense, most specialised NLP training course has yet to find a way of teaching this natural elegance to it’s delegates. I’m talking about the elegance that would just ease out of someone like Milton Erickson in an artfully conversational way creating major changes to the listeners’ unconscious mind. Is this a skill that can be learned? If so, how is it taught? Are there people that can never really learn this and are these people practising NLP? Yes of course they are.

They are the people who attend the courses to become therapists, yet what they really need is to see a therapist. I’ll never forget, when we first set up People Building and were emailing therapists from all areas to let them know we were on the map. One lady emailed back saying that she was already an NLP Practitioner and had been personally trained by Dr. Richard Bandler and therefore didn’t need to be aware of our services. I had to bind my hands together to prevent the temptation of emailing back “That doesn’t mean you’re any good though, does it?” 2) The Law of Requisite Variety (the person with the most flexibility of behaviour has the greatest influence over others.) I remember once when I attended an EFT seminar and met a very interesting bunch of therapists called Guided Self Healers. I don’t know anything about Guided Self Healing, so far be it from me to pass judgement on what they do, but I can tell you that they all seemed to be a bunch of nutters. I sat with them whilst they chatted enthusiastically about what number I was. They were sure I was a 9. I don’t know what being a 9 means, but I also know I am a Pisces (which this week means I’m going to meet a stranger, according to my horoscopes- how difficult can that be?!)

I’m also a Goat (Chinese astrology) right handed, visual (mainly) and blonde (naturally dumb). The thing with NLP is it’s great when you use it with a degree of fluidity. Yes, strategies can work, but a complex strategy may be run unconsciously. If you want to elicit an unconscious strategy from someone, they will become conscious about what they are doing, what happens to the strategy then? Yes, anchors can work, but if the client thinks it’s all a load of poppycock, are they going to experience the state when he anchor is tested? Yes, I’m mainly visual, but probably not when I have my singing lessons. It’s great that this stuff works, but being a true NLPer is about accepting that sometimes you get a different result to the one you were expecting, and to expect that anything else could happen instead. Lets stop putting people in boxes and expecting the norm and instead accept that actually anyone can be whatever they choose to do or be. Only then, can we practice as therapists who truly access all of our own internal resources in order to facilitate changes within the clients that we are working with. 

About The Author: Welcome to People Building, a self development company dedicated to inspiring growth, progression and better results in your life. It is our privilege to present to you authentic NLP and Hypnosis training at NLP Practitioner Level, NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapy Diploma, for those in Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire and London. We will never cease to evolve, and it gives me great pleasure, to invite you with us on this epic adventure. http://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk

Persuasion is easier to apply during a conversation between two people, as opposed to communicating in front of a group. This is because in a person-to-person setting, the opportunity to better understand the point of view of the other party exists. You can nitpick and delve into every single detail, as opposed to speaking to an audience, where the interaction is usually one sided.

In this kind of setting, it is possible for you and the other person to reach a compromise that would bring the best probable value for both of you. You may even want to change your stance while you’re at it. In short, person-to-person conversations are so open and flexible that it allows not just you to change course, but also allow you to alter another person’s mindset.

How do you get the most out of person-to-person interactions?

Have Patience

Persuasion may not happen on your first try - or even the second, the third, or the fourth. There are times that a certain idea has to be pondered on and assessed more deeply and critically, that to be too aggressive in getting acceptance might only ruin chances of a good deal. We’ve been through this situation before. How many times have we been told, “If you try to push me one more time, I will have to turn you down”?

Effective persuasion requires skill, not annoying pushiness. If you are sensitive enough to know the symptoms of agreement or submission, you will be able to steer the conversation to a point where you have the opportunity to persuade. If the other party doesn’t seem to be leaning toward your idea and his or her body language shows it, then you should know better to try at another time instead.

Stop Yourself From Rebutting Too Much

One of the greatest mistakes of persuasiveness is your penchant to answer back and rebut. We often try to pretend to listen to another person’s idea, which we do not really agree to, when in fact, what we are doing is preparing for a rebuttal to his or her statements. No matter how discreet you try to be at this, the other party will eventually notice that you are zoned out and will do the same to you when it’s your turn to give your ideas.

What ensues is a discussion that has two levels: one that is verbal and obvious, and one that is based on underlying meanings and subliminal banter. You may be able to prove your point and so will the other person, but nobody really wins.

Nobody can successfully persuade if the conversation is just based on a subliminal battle. When you’re trying to sell something, this will be your deal killer. In a friendship, this is what will burn bridges. This habit is very undesirable. Try to stop yourself every time you feel inclined to do so.

To effectively persuade another person, you have to truly believe in what you are saying. Intellectual honesty and genuine concern for other people will give you that persuasive edge. If you don’t feel passionate enough, the other party will notice it and will not be convinced. It’s not likely that you will be able to successfully sell an idea you have feel no passion about.

In addition, you can’t be effective at persuasion if you are not open to being persuaded also. Remember, you’re not the only one who is trying to get your point heard. In a person-to-person setting, the other party is also seeking to win you over to his or her side.

In order to persuade, you must be sincere. Aside from that, you also need to effectively communicate your emotions and thoughts. You can do this not just by saying the right things, but also by employing the proper assertive behavior and body language. Thus, if you want to improve your persuasion skills, don’t be a drag. Be open-minded and show it.

About the Author: Michael Lee is the author of the highly acclaimed How to be a Red Hot Persuasion Wizard. It reveals mind-altering persuasion secrets and tactics to tremendously enhance your relationships, boost your career and business, develop rock-solid self-confidence, and influence anyone to your way of thinking. If you invest in his book now, you’ll automatically be a valued member of the Persuasion Wizard Master Club. Go to http://www.20daypersuasion.com for the exciting details.

The major blunders in our conversations are, naturally, the violation of the general principles of communication. Such include talking about topics that are considered taboo, talking behind somebody else’s back, and basing stories on exaggerations, or worse, lies.

However, these are not the only blocks we can stumble on when we engage in conversations with other people. There are so-called mechanical blunders, as well, which often result from not thinking seriously about what we are talking about, carelessness, or not keeping a close eye on our own conversation techniques.

Below are some of the most common technical conversation blunders.

Blunder 1: Using pet words regardless of their suitability to the topic or the situation

There are people who call everything they like ‘fabulous’, ‘cute’, or ‘darling’, and call things they don’t like ‘weird’, ‘dull’, or ‘lousy’. There are appropriate words to describe certain things. A building is not cute; a movie cannot be ghastly; a book cannot be weird; a restaurant cannot be a darling. Use words properly. Also, if you are one of these people who use pet words a lot, try to reduce their usage to a minimum. Be aware of the things that are coming out of your mouth. It can be very annoying.

Blunder 2: Using big words inappropriately

You’ve encountered people like this already - those who like using superfluous terms and phrases (probably to make a good impression). There also are those who seem to enjoy using words like ‘basically’, ‘actually’, ’so to speak’, ‘you know’, etc. Get them out of your system. Not only are they unnecessary, they’re also time and effort wasting.

Blunder 3: Exaggerating

A lot of us are guilty of this. We tend to introduce our stories with “Let me tell you about the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced” or “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.” While these kinds of statements are subjective and you are entitled to them, you should also think about the other person in the conversation. It might not be so for him or her, and by being so, the momentum you tried to create did not have the effect you were expecting. Get real.

Blunder 4: Getting too personal

You don’t need to dish out all the dirt about your life just to get attention at a party. People will naturally listen to you if you make sense, not because you’re giving fodder for gossip. Telling too much about yourself is like baring your soul to a group of strangers. It’s okay to be real about your feelings, but it’s awkward to get too revealing, because you don’t know how other people will react to your stories. It could lead you to your undoing and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Blunder 5: Too much slang.

If you’re conversing in English, use proper English. Don’t bastardize the language and pepper it with slang. You can only use slang if the people around you speak the same way. But if you’re in a group with people of diverse backgrounds and interests, slang is not appropriate. Speak in a manner that is understood by all to avoid possible conflict.

Proper style of communication can enhance your relationships, boost self-esteem, and help you achieve lifelong success. On the other hand, continuous use of conversation blunders may hinder you from attaining your goals; so be very careful and aware of every word coming out of your mouth.

About the Author: Michael Lee is the author of the highly acclaimed How to be a Red Hot Persuasion Wizard. It reveals mind-altering persuasion secrets and tactics to tremendously enhance your relationships, boost your career and business, develop rock-solid self-confidence, and influence anyone to your way of thinking. If you invest in his book now, you’ll automatically be a valued member of the Persuasion Wizard Master Club. Go to http://www.20daypersuasion.com for the exciting details.

We’ve all been in this situation. Somebody asks us to do him or her a favor and, though there are a gazillion other things we should do first, we find it difficult to turn the other person down because he or she has done us a favor in the past, or is a close friend or a family member. The concept of gratitude prevails and we find ourselves trapped in something we really didn’t know why we committed to. We can sometimes be so worried at causing disappointment in other people, often at the expense of our own activities and interests.

Frankly, knowing how to say ‘no’ requires skill. Others might say that it shouldn’t be hard to do. But, let’s face it. We live as social beings and acceptance often occupies the number one spot in the list of virtues we want to achieve. Despite this, there are actually ways we can circumvent this difficulty. Subliminal persuasion is one way. Here are five more friendly, pain-free and reasonable ways to say ‘no’.

1. Say ‘no’; then show what the other person has to do to get a ‘yes’

For example: An employee is asking you for a raise but you hesitate to do so because lately he’s been skipping work and picking arguments with co-workers. Yet, he looks like he really needs it and has been working for your company for three years now. You want to give him a raise, but his recent behavior is a little disappointing. How do you say ‘no’?

Tell him that you can’t approve a raise right now, but will do so once you see an improvement in his work ethic. You can say, “I understand your need for a salary increase, but in order for me to implement that, we’ll have to work on strengthening your work habits. Now, let’s see how we can make that happen…”

2. Make it impersonal.

Make it sound like saying ‘no’ was a matter of circumstance, not of choice. An example of this is: “We’ve just paid our mortgage and my daughter is going off to college in two weeks. I won’t be able to lend you money.”

3. Say ‘no’ in a way that will make the other person say ‘no’ to himself or herself

Instead of saying ‘no’, teach the other person to say ‘yes’ to what you want. Do this subtly, of course. For instance, your fashion conscious sister wants to get a pink iPod while you want a blue one. You can tell her that while pink is a cute color, it’s more difficult to match with her clothes. Once you level with her and link what you want with what interests her, she’ll give in and agree with you.

4. Say you want to say ‘yes’, but…

Like tip number two, make it sound like you had no choice but to turn the other person down. This way, the relationship remains intact and no one gets hurt. Just don’t involve other people, like blame your saying ‘no’ to somebody else, as this could result in conflict and ill feelings.

5. Say it nicely.

You’re giving negative news, so you might as well do it nicely. Let the other person down easy to avoid misunderstandings. It’s the least you can for the disappointed. People tend to be more accepting of bad news if it’s brought in a polite and sympathetic manner.

About the Author: Michael Lee is the author of the highly acclaimed How to be a Red Hot Persuasion Wizard. It reveals mind-altering persuasion secrets and tactics to tremendously enhance your relationships, boost your career and business, develop rock-solid self-confidence, and influence anyone to your way of thinking. If you invest in his book now, you’ll automatically be a valued member of the Persuasion Wizard Master Club. Go to http://www.20daypersuasion.com for the exciting details.